This blog was born on 2nd May 2008

To Do List:

  • E-mail Wing Chun Sifu's in China
  • Try really hard to get Julin
  • Get 3rd Dan
  • Practice Spec Maths. Wtf.
  • Get a freaking medal in the next comp
  • Train + workout real hard (doubt it X.X)

Monday, September 14, 2009

Where You Lead Lyrics
Artist(Band):Carole King




Loving you the way I do
i only wanna be with you
And I would go to the ends of the earth
oh, darling, to me that's what you're worth

Where you lead, I will follow
Anywhere that you tell me to
If you need, you need me to be with you
I will follow where you lead

If you're out on the road
Feeling lonely, and so cold
All you have to do is call my name
And I'll be there on the next train

Where you lead, I will follow
Anywhere that you tell me to
If you need, you need me to be with you
I will follow where you lead

I always wanted a real home with flowers on the window sill
But if you want to live in New York City, honey, you know I will (yes i will, yes i will)

I never thought I could get satisfaction from just one man
But if anyone can keep me happy, you're the one who can

And where you lead, I will follow
Anywhere that you tell me to
If you need, you need me to be with you
I will follow where you lead (repeat)

I'm gonna follow were you lead (I'm gonna follow were you lead) I'm gonna follow were you lead (I'm gonna follow were you lead ) I'm gonna follow were you lead (I'm gonna follow were you lead )
Title: I Say A Little Prayer lyrics

Artist: Aretha Franklin Lyrics


The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little prayer for you
While combing my hair, now,
And wondering what dress to wear, now,
I say a little prayer for you

Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, forever, we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, together, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only be heartbreak for me.

I run for the bus, dear,
While riding I think of us, dear,
I say a little prayer for you.
At work I just take time
And all through my coffee break-time,
I say a little prayer for you.

Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, forever we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, together, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only be heartbreak for me.

My darling believe me,
For me there is no one
But you.

Something i never got to post in china

Have you ever missed someone till you started crying? Till the tears in your eyes run dry? Have you ever fell for someone so hard that you couldn’t get up? Have you ever cried the tears of joy for someone else? Have you ever cried tears of pain?

From a distance, I see myself, a man just like any other. In the eyes of many, I’m just an arrogant and cocky bastard. But on the contrary, I’m a man too afraid to reveal his weakness. I hide behind that tough appearance. I hide all my pain, my fears and my worries. I’m only human. I’m just a man, flesh and blood.

But here I am breaking down again. Why does life tempt me with thing that I cannot have, people that I cannot be with? The first and only time I cried for a girl was 3 years ago. Today, it’s happening again. This time, it happened so spontaneously that I couldn’t control it. I thought that I had gotten over missing her. I thought that I could cope. When I felt better, I thought that it was all going to be OK. But as it turns out, that feeling was only numbed. All I could do was hide my tears in Starbucks.

Now here I am missing her with my every breath. With each beat of my heart, I’m missing her even more. This feeling is making me go crazy. A sensation that makes me feel as if I am being bathed with acid. I’ve met girls, many girls. I’ve had relationships, a fair share. But none can do what you do. What are you? Who are you?

You are just a girl, plain and simple. You’re the girl next door and nothing more. Some would even feel intimidated by you. But yet, I’m fatally attracted to you. Who are you to make me feel this way? Who are you to own my heart? I’m your puppet and my heart, the strings.

With others, I could be heartless. I could twist and turn to have my way. I could push and pull to make my day. I can sing sweat melodies that could capture angels. I can write things that make the devil weep. But yet, I have no idea how to win your heart. I have no idea how to love you and how to tell you that I miss you.

With you I’ve changed, for you I’ve changed. You made me go all out in attempts to prove to myself that I am worthy of you. I’m competing with myself for a place in your heart, for a look from your eyes, an effort that would seem meaningless and idiotic to all around me. I’m eating egg yolks and I’m drinking milk, things that seem little but mark a difference. Because of you I’ve become more focused and more determined. These days, I seem like a new man. The fact still remains, that you’re but just another girl. Then why? Why, I ask. Why is it, that to me, you are the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me? Why is it, that in my eyes, you are everything and everyone I would ever want?

Everyday, I look forward to the same old thing, an email, a reply. Everyday, I wonder, Whether you’re happy or if you’re sad. I wonder where you are, I wonder who you’re with. I wonder what you’re doing. And most of all, I wonder, if you ever wonder about me.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

i still remember that during my last week in China, the most unexpected person appeared in my dreams. Of all the people in the world, it was the one person that I tried the most to forget, the person I hurt the most, and the person I betrayed.

The dream was in fact the opposite of life right now. In that dream, we were actually happy. When I woke up, I tried to think of all the possible reasons as to how she could have appeared in my dreams. Till now, I still have no idea how or why I dreamed of her. All I know was that in that dream, everything was sweet and innocent like how I used to see her.

Today, I went profile hopping on Facebook and stumbled upon her best friend's picture album. As I browsed, a truck load of puzzles parked right at the doorstep of my mind. For a moment, my mind went blank. I sat on the swiveling chair, perplexed. I looked at her picture and questioned myself. Why did her face seem so distant to me? Why is it that our memories together are now akin to a piece of blank paper? I can't remember anything. And when I do, all I see is snippets and pictures. The emotions are all gone. I don't feel anything.

I feel squeamish right now for no reason. I tried so hard to forget the bad times and now, I have forgotten all those wonderful memories that we used to share. To be honest, I feel a tinge of regret for wiping her off my mind. I still see that innocent face unchanged, that sweet smile unscathed. She looks weary but still looking great. I called her things that could melt the paint off walls. Come to think of it, most of it was all because of my inability to deal with what I did.

Today, I still see her as who she is. Today, I still see her as who she was. She is the girl that can bring joy to the coldest place of the earth and spread her ray of innocence. Perhaps I was wrong all along. I am wrong. For this, I apologize with sincerity. Perhaps it is I who has to overcome that barrier before we can be friends again. But today, I finally see the truth, that the girl I used to love, know and care for so deeply is still inside you.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Staying alone feels like crap. And the fact that I can’t get you out of my mind makes it all the more worse. There hasn’t been a moment that passed without you on my mind, How I long to be back in Malaysia, just to see you again. It’s only been the 4th day, but the loneliness is driving my crazy. Sometimes, I think of reasons to why you haven’t written, just to make myself feel better

While I’m missing you so badly that it breaks me, I know that I would give everything and everything this world not to lose this feeling right now. You have become part of me that I cannot separate. In my heart, there exists a void only you can fill, an emptiness only your smile can patch.

I said that it wasn’t a coincidence that we met. On the other hand, you said it was. Perhaps fate works in the strangest of ways. It rained that day so that I would have the chance to meet you. While on my part, I did something so spontaneous that I would never have done. I walked up to talk to you.

Twist of fate or a deliberate set-up, I don’t give a damn. Hell, I know that you’re the one that’s got me begging to go home.

Every morning I wake up, I pick up my hand phone to look just to take a desperate peek at the calendar. If time could pass just by winding my watch, I'd wind it to the day I'm coming home. For now, all I can do is count as the days pass by... I can't wait to see you again.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

You fill up my senses

Like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in springtime
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert
Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses
Come fill me again

Come let me love you
Let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter
Let me die in your arms
Let me lay down beside you
Let me always be with you
Come let me love you
Come love me again

Julin, this is driving me crazy. My mind is going bonkers thinking about you. Every second I'm not doing anything, I'm missing you.

Tick tock tick tock. I'm staring at the clock watching time pass me by. Each second scuttles by like a little cockroach. The grim and empty feeling in my heart cannot be filled. Fill it with the entire universe and yet still a chasm of emptiness exists.

You say that Some would regret and rather not have known you. But I'm not regretting Julin. All that emotion you make me feel. It makes me human. It makes me whole. You fill up my senses.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Here I am again in Starbucks thinking of you. It's only been a day and I'm missing you like crazy Julin. Why does fate have to be so cruel? The confession has made me fall even deeper into your spell. Your eyes are like black diamonds, bright and with endless depth. Each time I my eyes wander into your lovely eyes, I get lost in that maze of beauty. For every time I look at you, I love you more and more.

As I try to picture you standing right in front of me, my heart feels as if it has been squeezed and dipped in vinegar. I can still remember the smell of your hair as it brushed against my cheek that very night. Holding you so close to me was amazing. A scene more beautiful than than the sight of a thousand galaxies in our dark distant universe.

My heart yearns for you more and more each coming moment. The desire to see you burns so deep in within me that even a simple message or an email would brighten my day. Its amazing how you silently crept in to my heart, establishing your presence without me realizing. All I can think of now is you. I can't wait for a month to pass. Then, I'll be able to see you again.

Time passes slowly here. I only hope that it moves on faster like when I was with you. I know that you will be leaving in 2 months. That gives us only one more week to meet. With each fleeting moment we have left, I wish that you feel to you I am more than a friend.

And here I am sitting in a small corner, waiting for a reply from you. I stare at the empty screen of the computer with anticipation. An hour, a day, I'm still here anxiously praying that I get an e-mail from you. Each time an alert appears on msn I rush to open my inbox, only to realize it's just another piece of junk mail. Then my heart dies as swiftly as it grew. I sit, I wait. Staring out at through the tinted window, I see a lonely street, reflecting the very echos of my heart. Julin, where are you?